Messages From The Corner

  I've come so far.   I never thought the day would come to this. I made Grannie a promise, even if it was only in my head. I said that I would finish what I started. I started this thing in 1995. In one week, I will be done, but I’m going to take it a little further. Give me an inch and I’ll take a foot. I’m smarter now. Since I’m old, I’ll say that I’m wise. I move differently now. I move with efficiency and efficacy. I move with a purpose. I had a dream in the beginning. I now have a vision.  

You cannot accuse the United States of being an egalitarian society. It took my trip delivering Liam to Orlando for that to sink in. Let me unpack that for you. I did five legs of a flight, stayed in two overpriced hotels, and took a ton of Ubers.  As Liam kindly pointed out, my disability is my cheat code for getting through the airport. I'll give him that because it works and with that comes a myriad of assistance and assistants. What I become aware of is that these assistants were exclusively people of color. These are the people that wheel you around the airport from check-in, through security, from gate to gate, and on and off the plane. The extraordinary ones are cordial, friendly, helpful, pleasant, and damn right nice.  Don't get it twisted, people see me getting wheeled around, getting first dibs through security, and on the plane first. Some are so callous to think "he's so lucky" and some are so stupid to think "I wish that was me" or "I ...

  Guess who gets the next two days off from school? I’d like to send a shout-out to the University for closing the only remotely close handicapped parking spot close to the business building on campus. Just because the building has an elevator and the pushbutton to open the doors, does not make it accessible. The ADA allows for so much leniency that the attempts to comply that some of these places make are laughable. I work at such a company. It’s a good thing that I don’t work in the Marketing or R&D department located on the second floor. I wonder if they would consider hiring me if I applied for a transfer. Just kidding. I don’t want to upset this boat while the checks are clearing.

  “If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.” ―  David Sedaris,  Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays   ‘ Et tu Brute ‘ I wrote something on the M.S. forum board complaining about the 2 hours I spent in the MRI machine. The blood was in the water and the sharks came out. I guess I had a false sense of security in thinking that the board was a safe space. The truth is that any space occupied by humans has the ability to be compromised. It reminded me of a couple of quotes. The first from some movie I saw a long time ago. I want to say that it was Breakfast Club. “If you’re looking for sympathy you’ll find it between shit an syphilis in the dictionary.” The second was from a Shakespeare play. “Et tu Brute!” We always talk about how M.S. is a battle that we take on alone because everyone’s battle, symptoms, diagnosis, etc. is different. This fact is so true and so we look for support from those fighting the battle. ...

  I was looking up the four types of M.S. for a research paper that I was working on. I knew that there were four from looking at this subject in the past, for obvious reasons. I don’t think I ever came across this diagram before or maybe I just didn’t give it much notice but looking at it this time touched me kind of differently. I guess I’m lucky to have RRMS.   I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about the fact that the longer I live, the more disabled I’m going to become. I feel like Sisyphus pushing the boulder for all eternity. Or I’m still the hiker on that Price Is Right game, Cliff Hanger. If I overbid, then I’ll go over the edge. This is what I think of as I see the incline for disability as I grow older. Nothing is going to end well. How do I register this?

 I created this space to offer my thoughts.