Messages From The Corner

  “If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.” ―  David Sedaris,  Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays   ‘ Et tu Brute ‘ I wrote something on the M.S. forum board complaining about the 2 hours I spent in the MRI machine. The blood was in the water and the sharks came out. I guess I had a false sense of security in thinking that the board was a safe space. The truth is that any space occupied by humans has the ability to be compromised. It reminded me of a couple of quotes. The first from some movie I saw a long time ago. I want to say that it was Breakfast Club. “If you’re looking for sympathy you’ll find it between shit an syphilis in the dictionary.” The second was from a Shakespeare play. “Et tu Brute!” We always talk about how M.S. is a battle that we take on alone because everyone’s battle, symptoms, diagnosis, etc. is different. This fact is so true and so we look for support from those fighting the battle. ...

  I was looking up the four types of M.S. for a research paper that I was working on. I knew that there were four from looking at this subject in the past, for obvious reasons. I don’t think I ever came across this diagram before or maybe I just didn’t give it much notice but looking at it this time touched me kind of differently. I guess I’m lucky to have RRMS.   I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about the fact that the longer I live, the more disabled I’m going to become. I feel like Sisyphus pushing the boulder for all eternity. Or I’m still the hiker on that Price Is Right game, Cliff Hanger. If I overbid, then I’ll go over the edge. This is what I think of as I see the incline for disability as I grow older. Nothing is going to end well. How do I register this?

 I created this space to offer my thoughts.